Emotional Intelligence and Understanding What is Gaslighting?
Emotional intelligence is a subject that is becoming more commonly known. Emotional intelligence is something that can help someone being exposed to gaslighting understand the signs. It can also be helpful for individuals when they fight and argue with their partner, a friend, or someone else. Understanding what gaslighting is can help you be aware of and avoid it, using healthier ways to communicate and cope.
Table of Contents
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can ruin relationships. It is a tactic abusers use to make their victims doubt their sanity and perceptions. Victims of gaslighting often feel like they are going crazy, and no one will believe them.
Gaslighting can damage relationships and cause long-term mental health problems for victims. If you think you are being gaslit, get help from a trusted friend or family member. You should also consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. If you are in an abusive relationship, get help from a domestic violence hotline or shelter.
There are several warning signs of gaslighting. If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, get help as soon as possible.
Warning Signs of Gaslighting
Your partner, family member, co-worker or friend does one or multiple of the things listed below:
- Constantly denies things that you know to be true
- Tells you that you are crazy or delusional
- Tries to make you doubt your memories or perceptions
- Twists things that you say and uses them against you
- Makes you feel like you are never good enough
- Tries to control you with threats or intimidation
- Makes you feel like you are always doing something wrong
Where Did the Term Gaslighting Come From?
“Gaslighting” is from the 1938 stage play, Gas Light. They later made the play into a movie in 1944. In the film, a man tries to make his wife think she is losing her mind by dimming the lights in their home and stealing things from her.
While gaslighting can happen to anyone, it is common in abusive relationships. Abusive partners use gaslighting to control their victims and keep them in the relationship.
What Are the Effects of Gaslighting?
Gaslighting can have many adverse effects on victims, including:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- PTSD
- Insomnia
- Social isolation
- Job loss
- Self-doubt
- Suicidal thoughts
If you think you are being gaslit, get help immediately!
Tactics Used by a Gaslighter
There are several tactics that a gaslighter may use to try to control their victim. These tactics include:
Denial
The gaslighter denies that they said or did something, even if you have evidence to prove it. The lies can be small, like forgetting to take out the trash, or big, like having an affair. This tactic is used to make you doubt yourself and your memories. The gaslighter wants you to think that you are crazy or delusional.
Some of the words they may use are:
“I never said that.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“You’re being paranoid.”
Minimization
The gaslighter tries to downplay their actions or make them seem less important than they are. They may say that you are overreacting or being too sensitive. This tactic is used to make you doubt your perceptions and feelings.
Some of the words they may use are:
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.”
“You’re overreacting.”
Manipulation
The gaslighter uses manipulation to control you. The person may lie to you or try to make you feel guilty. They may also use your fears against you or try to make you feel like you are never good enough. This tactic is used to make you doubt yourself and question your decisions.
Some of the words they may use are:
“If you loved me, you would do this.”
“I’m only doing this because I care about you.”
Withholding Information
The gaslighter withholds information from you or gives you false information, and it can make you feel confused and uncertain. The person may also withhold affection or attention to control you; they use this tactic to make you feel isolated and alone.
Some of the words they may use are:
“I’m not going to tell you what I did today.”
“I’m not going to tell you where I’m going.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Discrediting
The gaslighter tries to discredit you to other people. They may lie about you or try to make you look bad, damaging your relationships with other people. The gaslighter may also try to make you feel isolated and alone.
Some of the words they may use are:
“She’s crazy.”
“He’s always making things up.”
“Don’t believe anything she says.”
How to Stop Gaslighting (if you are doing it)
If you think you might be gaslighting someone, the first step is to stop and examine your behavior. Are you intentionally trying to control or manipulate someone? If so, why?
There are several reasons why people gaslight others. Some people do it because they want to feel more powerful, and others do it because they are insecure or have low self-esteem. And some people do it because they were gaslit themselves in the past.
If you are gaslighting someone, try understanding why you are doing it. Once you understand your motives, you can start to change your behavior.
Here are some tips for how to stop gaslighting:
- Be honest with yourself and with your partner.
- Own up to your mistakes and apologize.
- Respect your partner’s feelings and opinions, even if you disagree.
- Give your partner space to express themselves without interruption or judgment.
- Listen to what your partner is saying and try to understand their perspective.
How to Stop Someone From Gaslighting in a Relationship?
It can be difficult to know what to do if you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you. The first step is to identify the gaslighting behavior. Once you have done that, you can start to take steps to protect yourself.
Here are some tips for how to stop someone from gaslighting you:
- Set boundaries with your partner. Let them know what behaviors are not acceptable.
- Make it clear that you will not tolerate being lied to, manipulated, or controlled.
- Stand up for yourself, and don’t let the other person walk over you.
- Speak up if your partner tries to undermine your confidence or make you doubt yourself.
- Get professional help if the abuse continues and you can’t manage it alone.
If you are being gaslit, remember that you are not responsible for the other person’s behavior; they are the only ones who can change their behavior.
Closing Thoughts
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can damage relationships and the individuals involved. If you are gaslighting someone, try to understand why you are doing it and consciously try to change your behavior. If you think you are being gaslit, identify the behavior and take steps to protect yourself.
You deserve a better life, free from emotional abuse. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Get the help and support you need to repair or get out of a gaslighting relationship. You deserve to be happy and healthy.
Originally posted 2022-08-17 19:08:43.
Megan Santiago
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