Ten Things Nobody Told You About Marriage Counseling
MAre you thinking about going for marriage counseling? You probably know what it entails, but what if there’s more? Would it help to know those things before deciding marriage counseling is right for you? We think YES. Let’s look at some of the basics of marriage counseling and ten things you probably don’t know about it.
Table of Contents
What is Marriage Counseling?
Marriage counseling or couples counseling helps couples understand each other, resolve conflicts, manage their differences, or decide whether they want to be together or not.
Marriage counseling also gives couples the tools and resources to handle any disagreements even after completing the sessions. You could say that couples therapy is a hospital for relationships.
Licensed therapists provide couples counseling like other mental health services focusing on marriage and relationships.
There are various aspects to marriage counseling such as behavioral changes, CBT, and more.
What is Premarriage Counseling?
Pre-marriage counseling is therapy for soon-to-be-married couples. If you want to learn more about your partner or have compatibility or communication issues, marriage counseling can help. Like married couple counseling, there is no guaranteed outcome, and you might discover through the process that the relationship may or may not work.
Why is Marriage Counseling Important?
There are various aspects of marriage counseling among couples. Many people think it is only needed by couples who have relationship issues. However, there is more to it. A perfectly healthy relationship may also need a marriage counseling therapy session to understand each other better before marriage.
What’s more, if someone has a childhood issue, they may want to work on themselves before getting married through an expert in marriage counseling. It will help them create a healthy bond with their partner and not let them project the negative consequences of their mental health issues on their partner.
Often, marriage counseling is given to couples undergoing different relationship issues such as an extramarital affair, lack of interest, imbalance in career and relationship, abuse, and more.
As one can see, there are different perspectives of marriage counseling among couples for whom the therapy can help in many ways.
Also if you have children, they can easily pick up on their parents’ marriage being unstable and this can be very challenging for them. If they see their parents fighting, they may start yelling and fighting like they see their parents doing.
So if you don’t want to fight for your marriage for your spouse, try doing it for your child’s health to see if that gives you the motivation to give it a try.
How Can Marriage Counseling Help?
Marriage counseling can help couples if they are committed to improving their bond with each other. The ideology of this therapy is to help the clients have a more strengthened bond and give them the ability to resolve conflicts with each other more effectively. In that essence, marriage counseling tends to be a helpful way to solve different problems in a relationship.
How Long Should Marriage Counseling Last?
There are different standards of a typical marriage counseling session depending on the clients, the therapist, and the extent of their conflict or concern with themselves or each other. However, on average, a marriage counseling session lasts for about 75 to 90 minutes.
It is observed that a typical couple would see benefits as they reach the 10th or 12th session. However, consistency and discipline are needed to see long results.
Both partners should be committed to solving their problems and improving their bond with each other as they take these sessions. Otherwise, they would only see the therapist’s effort going down the drain.
You have to go home and apply these problem-solving techniques that you are taught and really believe will make a difference, in order for it to make a difference.
When Should You Seek Marriage Counseling?
There are different ways to tell whether you and your partner need marriage counseling or not. However, there are certain questions you may want to ask yourself and/or your partner in a marriage to help you both decide if you need some marriage counseling sessions or not.
Some of the important milestones that may help you to decide when should you seek marriage counseling include but are not limited to the following:
- There is difficulty in communicating with your partner, or your partner may find difficulty in communicating with you
- You feel as if the relationship with your partner has reached a jammed lock, and you both feel like it isn’t feeling the way it used to be before
- There is a vicious cycle of resentment, disagreements, unpleasantness, and even fights in the relationship.
- You may experience difficulty dealing with parenting, career, money, and in-laws with your partner, which creates some resentment in you against your partner.
- You plan a marriage and want some counseling before starting a marriage with your partner.
- There are certain difficulties regarding monogamy, sexuality, and different aspects of the relationship, and you may feel uncomfortable about the set rules or expectations in the marriage.
- You are both discovering each other again since your children have grown up or your partner is retired – there is a huge shift in life and priorities.
- You notice a changed behavior in your partner or yourself that makes the relationship resentful and uncomfortable.
All of these things and many more indicate that you may need counseling in your relationship, and an expert with good background expertise on this subject may help you and your partner in that order.
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What Happens in A Marriage Counseling Session?
Couples therapy is like regular therapy, only that you will have sessions with your partner. The therapist will listen to both of you and try to understand your differences and help resolve them. The therapist will also ask specific questions and give comments to aid the healing process.
In addition, the counselor will likely give you tasks to perform during the session and outside therapy. These tasks are customized for your particular situation to help you resolve your differences and get along with each other.
The marriage counselor usually starts an assessment session lasting for one hour.
The actual focus is to get an overall understanding of the background of every partner, the overall history of the relationship, and the individual concerns about every partner in the relationship specifically.
As there is clarity about what needs to be addressed and the overall rapport among the clients and the counselor, the expert then works on formulating a goal plan for the couple in which both partners work. Again, the different modalities are thought upon.
Sessions are usually scheduled weekly, and the clients and the therapist talk through the number of sessions that may be required, when there is a follow-up time, etc. In some cases, the therapist might meet each client in a separate condition to get any specific aspect of the whole relationship in large detail.
However, the concentration is on the bond. The therapist may refer the individual for individual support and personal growth.
While it may be a usual talking therapy, there might be a more usual use of some tools and techniques involving technical homework exercises for the customers to think about by working together. The goal is to aid the clients to ruminate over their desires, expectations, needs, etc., reflect how they influence the relationship, and carry out the new interactions and behaviors.
On average, relation counseling relationships may last about 5 to 20 sessions.
What Are the Results of Relationship Counseling?
People may experience some relief from relationship counseling and get more positive results in working on different life stage issues and issues related to self.
Relationship counseling has been shown to improve the overall relation to bear the overall stress of altering demands in the life-stage commitment.
Counseling can reduce any pain associated with separation between the partners and also aid the people to cope better with their single life.
Some of the usual benefits for the individuals and the relationship in it involve getting a better awareness about oneself and the other individual and improving the clients’ ability to understand their desires, needs, and bring better skills for communication and find out how those are influencing the relationship or getting impacted by it.
Like most therapies, marriage counseling is not always sound comfortable emotionally.
Marriage counseling sessions provide a safe space for you and your partner to share some feelings that are otherwise hard to share in the open, which may be difficult for both yourself and your partner.
It is usual for marriage counseling to involve some intense emotions, a little bit of crying, argumentative tones, and other uncomfortable emotions.
However, it would be best if you acknowledged that it is perfectly normal, and these are the factors that play a huge role in the healing of both your partner and your views.
Does Marriage Counseling Work?
Statistics related to marriage counseling are quite hopeful. Research from the AAMFT – American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy – showed that 98% of couples trying marriage counseling therapy report that their marriage therapists are brilliant in providing therapy.
In addition, for couples who undergo marriage counseling, 90% feel they have improved emotional health. About two-thirds of the individuals also report an improvement in their overall physical health.
Also, perhaps one of the most significant results is that up to 75% of the couples show massive improvement in their relationship with marriage therapy. Marriage demands maintenance and work. For many couples, marriage counseling therapy is regarded as one that may aid them in moving through their different struggles in life. Marriage counseling might not show up as something easy in the initial phase. However, your marriage is going to be worth the effort.
These statistics show that marriage counseling helps individuals and partners get better results. Emotional health, mental health, and physical health are all highly connected; it is imperative to seek out the best for yourself. In that essence, a marriage counselor may help you and your partner.
Relationship counseling is effective to the extent that the parties involved are committed and willing to work on their relationship outside therapy. If one or both partners aren’t interested or invested in the treatment process, couples therapy won’t work.
The therapist and their approach to every case also play a significant role. And that’s why it is best to consult a qualified and licensed professional. Generally, marriage counseling can help repair relationships and rekindle passion for couples. Then again, that’s if the couple is willing to work towards it.
The Things Nobody Told You About Marriage Counseling
1. Marriage Counselors Are Not Judges
Marriage counselors are not there to point out who is right or wrong, guilty or innocent; they are merely mediators and help with a fresh and professional perspective. Marriage counseling won’t work for you if you’re looking for someone who will bang the gavel in your favor.
2. Marriage Counselors Cannot Decide for You
A marriage therapist can’t tell you what to do, especially something as sensitive as to whether to stay or leave a relationship. You have to make that decision yourself based on the results of the sessions. The exception to this principle is if the relationship could lead to one losing their life.
3. Marriage Counselors Cannot Change Your Partner
Don’t expect your therapist to change your spouse; that’s not their job. Therapists facilitate conversations around your issues and attempt to get each partner to understand the other person’s needs and feelings. Again, both of you have to work to bridge the gap and accommodate each other.
4. Your Marriage Can Fail After Marriage Counseling
There are no guarantees in marriage counseling. Your marriage can bounce back after a couple of therapy sessions or come to an end. If it’s not what you want, don’t be disappointed. And if it happens, that’s probably the best thing for your relationship.
5. Marriage Therapists Cannot Predict the Future of Your Relationship
Marriage therapists cannot predict the future of your relationship because they don’t know what will happen. You and your partner determine if you want to stay together or not. So, if you want to keep your relationship, both parties must commit to staying together.
6. You Must be Committed to Marriage Counseling
Following the last point, therapy would be less effective if both parties were not interested in the process. Don’t go to marriage counseling reluctant and absent-minded; it won’t work, and you’ll waste precious time and other resources.
7. You Have to be Open and Honest With Your Therapist
For many, marriage counseling is the last effort to save their marriage, and that’s not the time for half-truths or omitting vital information. The therapist can only work with what you give them, not what you carefully tuck in the inner recesses of your mind. Besides, secrecy could fuel more problems between you and your partner. Remember, you attend sessions together.
8. The Work is Done Outside Therapy Sessions
When you sign up for couples counseling and go to sessions, the therapist helps you find ways to make your relationship work. You now have to take those tips, tools, and guides outside therapy and practice.
9. Start Marriage Counseling Early
Usually, people remember counseling when things have worsened, and the relationship is almost falling apart. If nobody tells you to start early, you can take that advice from us. It is easier to salvage a marriage when things haven’t gone so bad. And don’t let stigma hold you back, go for counseling if you want a better relationship.
10. You Will Meet as a Couple
Lastly, marriage counseling is not regular therapy where you and your therapist are the only ones in the room. You go as a couple for couples counseling. If you can’t stand him at home, the healing process will start as you attend sessions together. Depending on the state of your relationship, it may be challenging to do, but it is worth it.
Closing Thoughts
Now you have a good idea about marriage counseling, would you consider going for it? Remember, your relationship doesn’t have to be on its deathbed before agreeing to see a therapist; everyone can benefit from this experience. If anything, you will learn better ways to improve your relationship.
Originally posted 2022-02-11 20:43:11.
Megan Santiago
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